Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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