I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
