after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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