You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
