I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize