I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When did angry sex become our thing?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
