We're like a lot better than the average bears
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
