I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
