You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
