She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
