We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i came on her dog
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
