Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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