This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
