Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
