there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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