it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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