I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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