if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
