He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
