if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
