I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
