He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How naked do you want me to be?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
