I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
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