i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
