If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
