Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
