We're like a lot better than the average bears
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
