She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
