i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
