You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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