what day is it and did you see me today?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
