I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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