As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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