i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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