Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
