I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
