Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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