you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
