but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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