you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
