Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
