I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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