we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The convent might be a nice break from real life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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