She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
