Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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