I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
