i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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