Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
