There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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