At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
