Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
