Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
