babies were throwing up all over the place
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The adults are the big ones right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Someone signed my nipple.
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