hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
