this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
