I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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