let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
