Ambien. No doubt about it.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
