This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
