I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
